HIIII!!!!! I go by Lazarus (he/him) online. Website is a work in progress, duh. Also, tw for discussion of food/food aversion, paranoid thoughts and thinking, depressive talk. I'm working on getting better and staying healthy despite a low baseline mood, dw! :p
My first lazarusguidetolife was made on strawpage but I wanted to graduate to neocites. I'm very new to html and css. I'll figure out images and creating new pages next on my 'lil to-do list.
I'm currently wasting away in maths class. I have under 59 days of school left at this place. I'm so tired. I hate it here. It's all concrete and stone; these people hate me. I hate them too. One day I will sleep for a week, and when I wake, magpie warbles will tell me that I am only five again. I don't remember what it was like before. I have the faintest memories of it all. The static in my mind falls through my fingers like sand: grains of what used to be something solid. I think father's day is coming up. I'd buy him chocolate or something but watching him eat makes me worry he'll drop dead in front of me and it'll all be my fault for letting him touch it. It's like that scene from Spirited Away, y'know? She's watching her parents eat and I feel very much the same way. I think I hate food, it tastes like glue to me and I'm always worried I'm going to die of a heart attack if I eat too much. I promise myself I'm going to get healthier. bllleeehhhhhhhhh :p I need new headphones. My over the head ones are neat 'n all but i'm starting to kinda dislike how they look. i'll probably buy the wired earpod things. i used to have an ancient pair that made the sound super quiet, but i liked the look and feel of them. Can you tell that I don't know how to use a comma? I just, sprinkle, them, in, everywhere and hope for the best even though that's probably a terrible habit to have. Daily affirmations: i don't smell bad. people can't read my thoughts. nobody is going to stab me on the train. i am really real. my parents aren't secretly trying to kill me. this isn't a simulation, this is real and i love it here. It's not like a reeeeeeeaaaaaalllyyyy think any of that is real, i know nobody is out to get me, i just freak out a 'lil. it's nothing to actually worry about, i dont think. I JUST STARTED X-FILES !!!!!!!!!!!! up to episode 6 though, so i guess i'm not experienced enough to call myself a fan. life is okay, these assignments can't hurt me, i'm cooler than everyone else, it's alg. crazy what a boring ass math class pushes a guy to think about, huh?